Entry for January 09, 2007

Happy Day 09/01

Entry for January 03, 2007

“ Love of my life, you hurt me. 

You opened my heart and now desert me.

Love of my life, can’t you see? 

Bring it back! Bring it back! 

Don’t take it away from me 

because you don’t know 

what it means to me…”

The song keeps haunting my mind…

One more night. My eyes are all weary but I couldn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t prevent myself turning and tossing, on the bed and in my mind. Haunted by memories and filled with nostalgia, stroking and cuddling the teddy puppy you gave me, how could I help tears ? Looking at the alarm clock. Nearly 6 a.m. 6 hours have passed so quickly, but terribly. Anyway, new day. Get up. Blogging for some relief, then start a new day. Good morning everyone!

If you happen to see this...

 If you happen to see this...

January 02, 2007,

Last year, I found the English class somehow boring and too leisurely, however, now I still remember and agree with the teacher when she said : “now you’re still young, you (our class) don’t understand” (she said so because some of my friends used the words “break up, divorce” etc. so often) , “when you’re in love, you don’t like to hear and try to avoid using or saying those words”. Hi`, I myself had realized that even before she shared it with us. So, I totally agreed with her and naturally thought of you, thought of us, just as I do now. Uhm, but understanding that doesn’t mean I’m not young huh. Young, and the heart’s also young & loving.

Since we’re together, I don’t like songs with poignant lyrics, I don’t like songs with “goodbye, sorry, break up, mistakes” or anything unfortunate. That’s why, to find a really suitable song to listen to seems quite hard for me. “suitable” songs, I mean, songs with beautiful melodies, sharing my feelings, lifting my spirits, painting a rosy picture, having a promising future , or concerning “everlasting, forever, endless, sharing”. I don’t know whether you feel the same way?

So strange! (not really strange cuz the situation has changed now! I’m not in that flying-with-love mood! Today, any songs I play appear to portray a part of me, a part of us, a part of our relationship inside.

“What about the life that you were dreaming of

What about the picture in my head

What about the love that we were fighting for

Is it still somewhere alive or is it dead

How could we ever go so wrong

I always thought that we were strong

…

What about the home that we were building up

What about the colours in our hearts

What about the kids we should be playing with

Should we leave this fantasy into the dark

…

Do you share the pain inside

Do you know how much it bites

Do you mind to watch me fall

Do you care for me at all…"

("If you leave my world"-MLTR)

The lyrics say the very things I want to say. I have many other “what- abouts” to remind you of, not just those in the song. The candle you made for me last X’mas, u promised to light it with me; the seed you gave me last March, I asked you to plant it with me… The card I made for us, you said you wanted to write the greetings word by word with me. They are all unfulfilled. You promised! We can continue our good times! I know you love me. And that single reason is enough to keep me here believing.

Building myself strong, suppressing those painful feelings, doing my best to keep smiling, hoping for some miracle yesterday morning, the first day of the year, but why? those efforts just left and leave me in tears? Anyway, temporarily, I feel more relieved , cuz I’m writing this, writing this especially to you. This might be my last effort to save that poor love tree, to give it a chance, to keep it alive. I don’t have the heart to leave the love tree we 've been treasuring there, all alone, struggling so hopelessly. How can we desert it while it’s still so lushly green, while you and I both know it will beautifully blossom someday, with OUR great care. Don’t let your worries kill that precious tree when such tiring things even haven’t happened, or exactly are not going to happen, they’re not going to happen if we are together. Together, and we will find the way. “Love will lead the way”. “Love always find the reason”, now and then, I try to convey that message to you…You, it's you who firmly said to me when I , in the past, also worried for such things, do you remember? “Our future is in our hands” (PBHN – summer ‘06).

Well, I‘ve been tempted to write too much . Hope this doesn't bother you. This blog is public anyway, I don’t want to say personal details about us. Hi`, at first, I just intended to send you the lyrics and some words through this blog if you happen to see it, but maybe because I have so much to say. If you still care and are reading this, I want you to know: setting aside the wrangle, I’m still waiting for you. Be the very one I used to love . Stand up! And we’ll go our way together!!! “Miss you”. I know you do too, don’t you?

Grilling eggplants

GRILLING EGGPLANTS I used to think that on some nice restful day, I would start my blog with a romantic or special entry. But now, in this very busy week, I suddenly feel like writing something about grilled eggplants! Well, I’ve just finished the task of grilling the eggplants for lunch. So tired, really, but I’ve got some fresh feelings (maybe because this is the first time I’ve grilled eggplants) Using a coal-burning cooker outdoors, not a gas stove indoors as usual, I unreasonably feel interested, just as coming back to the old days . My Mom told me to prick holes in the eggplants before grilling them. Isn’t it boring having to make holes in nearly 10 eggplants ? My arm is still weary now, but pricking those tiny holes was kinda fun ! In some ways, it was a useful way to get rid of stress. However, looking at those cute eggplants, I didn’t dare to prick too violently. Instead, I tried to make the very aesthetic holes . And maybe that’s why my Mom complained that I just “khe^`u khe^`u” their skins. After finishing pricking half of them, I eagerly put the three first eggplants on the grilling frame. While waiting to turn those eggplants to the other sides, I continued pricking the rest and didn’t forget to wave the fan steadily to keep the coal burning. Sitting there observing the coal, I now can say that the burning coal is exactly pinkish reddish orange, not just pure pink . Heated by the coal, the air seemed to melt into a blurred floating screen. And some gray ash was blown off the cooker flying around like snowflakes - so romantic (gray snowflakes exactly!) At last, it was time to peel the well-done eggplants. Shrunken as they were, the eggplants emitted such a delicious aroma. Peeling those hot skins was more interesting than peeling bananas (maybe because it’s brand-new to me and maybe because this time I did it with my Mom ^_^)It was such a pity, my Mom didn’t buy any corn or sweet potatoes, otherwise I could grill them all.But perhaps next time!